Thank you for being part of our live conversation with registered psychologist Glenda May. Whether you joined us live or you’re catching the recording above for the first time, this session was built around one honest idea: there is no right way to grieve, and almost nobody teaches us how to actually do it.

Here’s a recap of what we covered, in case you want to sit with it again – or share it with someone who needs it.

Grief Doesn’t Follow a Map

Grief is an individual experience. There’s no finishing line, no template, and no timeline you’re supposed to hit. You don’t “get over it,” and you don’t really “move on” – you learn to live with it.

We’re a grief-illiterate society. We’re uncomfortable with pain and sadness, and often, without meaning to, we want the people we love to hurry up and feel better. But grief isn’t a three-episode arc – loss, funeral, back to normal. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to carry loss differently. Death ends a life, it doesn’t delete it – you can stay connected through love, memory, and how you continue to include that person in your life.

Why Does It Hurt So Much?

The pain is intense because the love was intense. You’re not just grieving the person – you’re grieving the future that will never happen. The word “bereavement” literally means “to be robbed.” That’s exactly what it can feel like: robbed of your future, robbed of who you were.

Grief changes your identity. It moves you from “we” to “me,” and that’s disorienting. It’s normal to feel a quiet panic as memories start to soften at the edges, to fear forgetting the sound of someone’s voice. It’s normal to keep talking to them, even when you already know what they’d say back.

“How Are You Doing?”

One of the hardest parts of grief is that the world expects you to bounce back long before you feel ready to. People are often working hard to cheer you up – but the permission to visibly grieve fades much faster than the grief itself does.

It can help to have a simple, honest script ready: “I have good days and bad days. It’s tough, but I’m getting through it.” You’re allowed to say that, again and again, for as long as you need to.

What Helps (and What Doesn’t)

If someone you love is grieving, here’s what actually helps:

• Say their loved one’s name. It keeps them present. Ask, “Tell me about her – what was she like?”
• Show up, listen, and don’t try to fix it.
• Say things like: “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here,” or “This is so unfair.”
• Help with the practical load – a shopping list, picking up their car, taking out the bins.
• Stay in touch after the first six weeks, once the casseroles stop arriving and everyone else has moved on.

And a few things to avoid, even with the best intentions:

• “Everything happens for a reason,” or “She’s in a better place.”
• “At least…” anything. (“At least you’re young,” “At least you have other children.”)
• Comparing losses, or asking “why are you still upset?”
• Simply asking “how are you doing?” – there’s only one polite answer to that question. Try asking “what did you do today?” instead.

Healing Doesn’t Mean Forgetting

Healing isn’t about grief getting smaller – it’s about life getting bigger around it. In time, most people find they remember with more love than pain. Healing means learning to carry grief in a way that lets love, life, and loss exist together.

Grief will last as long as love does – forever. And that’s not something to fear. It’s something to honour. It’s a privilege to grieve: it means you loved someone, and someone loved you.

“Whatever you’re grieving – a person, a relationship, a career, a future you had planned – you are allowed to grieve it. Fully. Loudly. However it shows up for you. You are not doing it wrong. You never were.” Glenda May

Still Have a Question for Glenda?

If something came up for you during this session – a memory, a question you didn’t get to ask, or just a feeling that you’d like some support – Glenda offers free, no-pressure discovery calls.

If you have a question that didn’t make it into the live session, or you’d simply like to reach out, please email us directly at hello@unboxedpride.com.au.

Thank you for being part of this – for showing up for yourself, and for each other.